Thursday, September 29, 2005

If I had a son, I would hope he would end up like Stewie.

Stewie Griffin taken from this website. (note Stewie is maybe 1 years old).

Stewie Quotes - Family Guy
Waitress: Here you go, fella. From Flappy himself.
Stewie: I don't care if they...
[Stewie is force-fed a bite of pancakes]
Stewie: Oh... oh these are delectable. Hey, Flappy. Good news. I've decided not to kill you.

Stewie Quotes - Family Guy
[watching a baseball game]
Stewie: Why does that man drop his club before he runs? I would bring it with me.

Stewie Quotes - Family Guy
Stewie: This isn't the first time my small stature has hindered my plans.
Auctioneer: Item 157... Global Domination. Enslave the human race. Do I have any bids?
Stewie: OOH. OOH. ME. ME.
Auctioneer: I'll take any bids. $1. Enslave the human race for $1?

Stewie Quotes - Family Guy
[during a smoking conference]
Stewie: Baby needs to suck ash. Baby needs to suck ash. Not ass, you pervert. Save it for the interns.

Stewie Quotes - Family Guy
Stewie: Jeffrey. Take the 4.20 from Hounslow out of your mouth.

Stewie Quotes - Family Guy
Stewie: Soooo Broccoli, mother says you're very good for me. But I'm afraid I'm no good for you.

Stewie Quotes - Family Guy
Stewie: Cut my eggs.
Butler: [cuts eggs] Your eggs are cut sir.
Stewie: Cut my milk!
Butler: I can’t sir, it’s liquid.
Stewie: Imbecile! Freeze it, then cut it, and if you question me again I’ll put you on diaper detail and I promise I won’t make it easy for you.

Family Guy Quotes - Stewie Griffin
Stewie: Damn you vile woman, you've impeded my work since the day I escaped your vile womb.

Family Guy Quotes - Stewie Griffin
Stewie: The breakfast thing. Yes. It wasn't even about the eggs, really. Frankly, I like the yolks. I don't... I have no problem... it's just there's always been a lot of tension between Lois and me. And it's not so much I want to "kill" her. It's just I want her not to be alive anymore. Uh... I sometimes wonder if all women are this difficult. And then I think to myself, "My God! Wouldn't it be marvelous if I turned out to be a homosexual?"

Family Guy Quotes - Stewie Griffin
Stewie: No sprinkles. For every sprinkle I find, I shall kill you.

Family Guy Quotes - Stewie Griffin
Stewie: [To ticket agent] Now look here...
[looks at agent's name tag]
Stewie: Jo-LENE. I have an army to raise and I must get to Managua at once. I require a window seat and an in-flight Happy Meal. BUT NO PICKLES. OH, GOD HELP YOU IF I FIND PICKLES.

Family Guy Quotes - Stewie Griffin
Stewie: [After Lois tries to feed Stewie his broccoli "airplane style"] Damn you, Damn the Broccoli, and Damn the Wright Brothers.

Family Guy Quotes - Stewie Griffin
Stewie: Did you forge my name? How dare you! Is this backwards "S" supposed to be cute? I'm going to crap double for you tonight.

Family Guy Quotes - Stewie Griffin
Stewie: Isn't it funny how they say "life is like a box of chocolates"? Well in your case, dear mother, life is like a box of active grenades!

Family Guy Quotes - Stewie Griffin
Stewie: Oh, forgive me for not being one of those anorexic babies from the diaper commercials.

Family Guy Quotes - Stewie Griffin
Stewie: Ha ha. Oh, this is so good it just HAS to be fattening.

Family Guy Quotes - Stewie Griffin
[while Peter is changing Stewie]
Stewie: No, you idiot. That's not baby powder, that's paprika. Ahhhh! Take that.

Family Guy - Stewie Quotes
Li: Stewie, come complete our rainbow.
Stewie: I've got a better idea. Let's go play "swallow the stuff under the sink."

Family Guy - Stewie Quotes
Stewie: Oh I feel so delightfully white trash. Mommy, I want a mullet.

Family Guy - Stewie Quotes
Stewie: Yes, I rather like this God fellow. He's very theatrical, you know, a pestilence here, a plague there. Omnipotence. Gotta get me some of that.

Stewie: Family Guy Quotes
[watching cheerleaders change in a locker room]
Stewie: It appears my wee-wee's been stricken with rigor mortis.

Stewie: Family Guy Quotes
Stewie: Mother, as first lady of the American stage Helen Hayes once said, "I'm going to kill you."

Stewie: Family Guy Quotes
Stewie: Am I to spend the entire day wallowing around in my own feces? A little service here.

Stewie: Family Guy Quotes
Stewie: Make sure there's a fresh copy of Wall Street Journal next to the changing table.

Stewie: Family Guy Quotes
Meg: Mom, guess what, I made Flag Girl squad!
Stewie: Flag Girl? Um yes good for you. Now you can be somewhere else when the boys don't call.

Stewie: Family Guy Quotes
Stewie: So, what do you think of this "Music Television?"
Stewie: I say mother, this hotdog has been on my plate a full minute and it hasn't yet cut itself.

Stewie: Family Guy Quotes
Stewie: I love God. He's so deliciously evil.

Stewie: Family Guy Quotes
Guy in Chicken Suit: Enjoy your chicken sandwich.
Stewie: Enjoy your studio apartment.

Stewie: Family Guy Quotes
[Lois is washing Stewie's hair in the sink]
Stewie: Careful. It's 'gently rub the scalp', not 'scrub like you're trying to get the vomit out of a Christmas dress', you stupid holiday drunk.

Stewie: Family Guy Quotes
Meg: Can I be in the play, Mom?
Stewie: Oh yes, you can be the dumpy teenage girl who cries backstage because no one finds her attractive.

Stewie: Family Guy Quotes
[While trying to potty-train Stewie]
dad: Maybe you don't have to pee. I'll just give you some beer, it'll run right through you.
Stewie: Beautiful. And while we're at it we can light up a dubey and watch porn.
dad: Rea... Really?

Monday, September 26, 2005

Moral Dillemma

(Thanks Aaron)

This test only has the one question, but it's a very important one. By giving an honest answer, you will discover where you stand morally. The test features an unlikely, completely fictional situation in which you will have to make a decision.
Remember that your answer needs to be honest, yet spontaneous.

Please scroll down slowly and give due consideration to each line.

You are in Florida, Miami to be specific. There is chaos all around you caused by a hurricane with severe flooding. This is a flood of biblical proportions.

You are a photojournalist working for a major newspaper, and you're caught in the middle of this epic disaster.

The situation is nearly hopeless. You're trying to shoot career-making photos under the most arduous conditions.

Houses, people, even animals swirl around you...some disappearing under the water. Nature is unleashing all of its destructive fury.

Suddenly you see a man floundering in the water. He is fighting for his life, trying not to be taken down with the debris. You move closer.

This man looks familiar.

You suddenly realize who it is.

George W. Bush, president of the United States of America!

At the same time you notice the raging waters all around, about to take him under... forever.

He goes under once. He goes under again, but comes up sputtering.

You have two options:

You can save the life of G. W. Bush,


You can shoot that career-making, tragic, Pulitzer Prize winning photo, documenting the death of the world's most powerful man.

So here's the question, and please give an honest answer:

Would you select high contrast color film or would you go with the classic simplicity of black and white?

Thursday, September 22, 2005

Mergers....I don't get it.

I can not find any strategic reason why Ebay would buy Skype.

I am confused as to why microsoft is considering buying AOL.

Unless I am missing something either of these moves could prove to be the end to two giants.

I just don't get it....and it bothers me. I like to find angles to things that others miss....but I am stuck here.

The only thing I can think of is Microsoft and Ebay are very scared of Google....even though Microsoft specializes in software development, google specializes in content organization, and ebay specializes in retail. If ebay had bought, that would make sense. This doesn't. At least not to me.

Any thoughts? Any links that you can post to help guide me?

Sunday, September 18, 2005

Google vs. Yahoo.

So this morning I started my daily routine. I woke up. Brushed my teeth. Then got online for 30 minutes. First I went to Then I checked Altogether I spent 20 minutes on these two yahoo sites. But I did not click on one ad. In fact I have never clicked on a yahoo ad.

Then I looked up a few things on google. Spent just a few seconds on google suggest. Thats all it took. Google returns relevant search results. Yahoo returns results based on who pays them the most to be ranked higher. So I use google for search. But I have found myself clicking on google ads. It is laid out very very simply. In fact is the most simple website I have ever seen. There are only a dozen or so words on the whole page. Your grandma could search using it.

So whats the point to this blog? Yahoo and Google are not nearly in the competition that armchair investors perceive. In fact they will diverse more and more as time goes on.

Yahoo is a social network. They can make their money off of social subscriptions, not search. They have yahoo personals, yahoo fantasy sports, yahoo mail, geocities, etc. Yahoo has content. They are the knowledge source, if you will.

Google is a relationship manager. They make their money off of discovering relations and returning the most meaningful results. (I can talk about google all day, but I won't...I Love google [note: I do not love google stock!]) Google is intelligence. Google learns, which makes their results more relevant, which allows their ads to conform to your search or furthermore you.

(note: google owns this blog. If you want to ever search for something you know you read before in this blog, type in a keyword in the search box in the top impresses me how relevant it is).

Yahoo plans to be your destination. Google plans to be the path to get you to destinations. Explain to me why everything thinks they are such competitors when they have such different goals, and paths to reach these goals.

Wednesday, September 14, 2005

We just met, but I think I love you.....

Several days ago I met a new companion. I have grown fonder faster than I wish I would have. Can I live without? Probably. I have up until now.

But she's a drug..(well not really, shes more of a supplement). I do know that I don't want to go to bed without her.

But now I dream. Now I see what you all have seen your entire lives. Dreaming is a powerful powerful thing. I have this theory that I was going to write a doctoral thesis on that says that dreaming is the consolidation of your sensory experiences. Dreaming is what allows you to remember the things and people that you have encountered...the consolidation happens so quickly that it seems like its an out of order movie.

What is this girl's name you ask? Melatonin. I pop one Melatonin, and off I go. I fall asleep, and I stay asleep.

See you all live in a world of sleep. I have never had that luxury. I wake up once an hour all throughout the night. Which would be fine, but it never lets me get to the dreaming stage of rest. Which means I wake up grumpy, and I have a terrible memory. But since I have fallen for Melly Mel, I wake up fresh. I smile.

I like that.

Dearest Melatonin, until I build up tolerance, I love you.

Tuesday, September 13, 2005

And now for something completely different.

My blog posts tend to be antaganoistic and ranting. Well, not today.

First, let me introduce you to a genius musician. Last year I went to his concert and I was mesmerized. It was in a small venue, and it was the most "real" show I had been too...and I have seen ALOT of legends perform. His name: Steve Burns. He was like a cross between Beck and Radiohead. Which means most people don't like his music, but it doesn't deny that it is progressive and not commercial. But there's a curve ball to this artist. It is the same Steve Burns who used to star in Blues Clues. Now that doesn't mean he is gay, or that I am gay. It means you should go buy/download the CD and listen to something that is real, and not commercial.

Second, my friend recommended the following costume to me for Halloween:

Why this you say? Because my grandma is Italian and so is Mario anf Luigi. But a better question is why was he looking at such homo costumes?

Finally, Steve Burns says:

Last night I dreamt
I was superman
And I had lots of fun
Playing with my cape
And with my tights
But my love
This is goodnight

Even though your life was wasted
Doesn't mean that I should save it
I'll sit at home and watch tv

Go ahead and cry I won't give a damn
It doesn't matter I'm superman
Look at me
Look at me
Look at me

Hey mom, look at me

If there are tall buildings in your way
a speeding locomotive rolls your way
I'll fly away
I'll fly away

I'll fly
I'll fly away

I'll fly away

Friday, September 09, 2005

An ode to my Samsung phone.

A few years back (lets just say back before Zack Morris has a cell phone) my dad started selling cell phones in Missouri. It was so large it came in a small suitcase. It has 2 features. It could receive incoming calls, and it could make outgoing calls.

Well, things have changed.

My Samsung phone has features that would make the designers of my dads' phones cry as if they had seen the Virgin Mary herself.

My phone has a digital camcorder built into it. I can take videos. 18 years ago the only way you could do that would be to spend a grand on a cheap VCR and record it on a bulky analog tape. Most ancient if you ask me.

My phone has polyphonic caller id rings. I can have the song "Pressure" by Billy Joel play when my dad calls, or the Sanford and Sons theme song play when one of my buddies calls. 18 years ago you were (maybe) just starting your CD collection. The world has evolved quite a bit down the digital music winding road.

My phone has a camera. 18 years ago you were thrilled with your poloroid camera. Wow, you could get instant pictures!

My phone has picture caller id. Caller ID? Yes its possible to know who is calling before you answer, and subsequently not answer the phone. Not only that but I can assign their picture (or video) to the caller id.

My phone has the internet. 18 years ago you were 8 years away from even hearing the words "information superhighway." Now my phone can get me any info I want...(especially by sending a text message with a question to Userid GOOGL).

My phone weighs less than 4 ounces. 18 years ago they were 4 lbs and in a suitcase.

My phone has voice mail. Imagine, an answering machine without tape!!!!

My phone has vibrate ring. Imagine, not hearing an annoying beeping sound (see the pagers that doctors and others in pharmaceutical field had 18 years ago).

My phone has an address book. Remember when you used to have to memorize your girlfriends'/boyfriends' number? Or write down peoples phone numbers. Remember how you used to only write 7 digits, because long distance cost money back then so you only called local people instead of entering all 10 digits into your phone now-a-days.

My phone has the ability and desire to turn itself off! What?! Now this is something my dads' phones never had! 18 years later and they still can't find a way to make my phone stay on! Hell sometimes it doesn't even ring (granted noone calls it), but still it only vibrates instead of rings sometimes. You couldn't pay enough for this feature! It is truely a lifesaver (read that as anger/sarcasm). They can put a camcorder, world time, internet, camera, calendar, address book, polyphonic rings, etc, but they can't get the phone to ring out loud, or stay on!

Samsung. I hate you.

Wednesday, September 07, 2005

I didn't want to talk about it until David Banner and Kanye West did....

I try to avoid news. It is evil and biased. But I can not avoid hearing and overhearing whats going on on the Gulf Shore.

I am hearing more and more that our government's neglect is a racial issue. I am here to say it is not. It is not a white vs. black thing. It is not a rich vs poor thing. It is a government vs. poor black thing.

I keep hearing how whites as a whole are neglecting this. But thats not the case. Whites, blacks, reds, yellows, have all helped with this cause.

Just not the government. They have their own agenda. Many many whites don't agree with that agenda, but this is what we get for being in a democracy.

The logic behind this whole fiasco is scary. Look at how quick Bush reacted to nominated the chief justice a few days ago. Look at how quickly he reacted to Iraq, whom did not ask to be "saved" by democracy. Look at how quick he reacted to the Tsunami. Look at how he reacted to 9/11.

I am not saying that he should rebuild or save the Gulf Coast. I think the people that lived there were risking their lives to begin with. They lived in a bowl below sea water next to millions of gallons of water. If you shake the water it will fill the bowl. Its called logic. They screwed up by living below sea water and risking the inevitable. But if our government is going to spend billions on Iraq when Iraq should be left alone, or send billions to help the Tsunami people, than they need to react twice as "goodwill-ian" towards the Gulf Coast fiasco.

Instead our government showed their priorities.

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