Tuesday, June 15, 2004

The most embarrassing thing that ever happened to me....

Every now and again things happen to you that you wish never had. You wish no one would ever find out. You do your best to roll up into a ball, and make yourself so tiny that the world just forgets you are there. Well, I don't know how many times that has happened to me. But here's the most embarrassing thing that has ever happened to me. It was 5th grade. You see, when I was growing up, I was poor. My mom made my clothes. Yet they found some way to send me to a private grade school for 9 years. Well back to my story. I was a slob. I didn't tuck in my shirt, I wore shoes that were old and worn out. They were Sambas. Sambas have two roles in life. One to save moms money, and the other is so old soccor dudes who still have mullets have something to keep them in touch with soccor. My sambas had a third role. They had the unique ability to store mud in the treads. As I mentioned I was a slob. I ran through the small amount of mud that we had right off of the school parking lot...(the parking lot was our playground). So after recess we went back to class. The mud in the tread of my shoes decided it didn't want to be mud anymore...it wanted to be caked clumps of dirt. It also wanted to fall out of the tread and all over the floor in the front of the class. I didn't notice...and why would I have cared, it was just dirt. Well Ms. Wolfe noticed. She was a bitch. She went on a rant that seemed like forever but was actually only a minute or two about what a slob I was, how stupid I was, and the like. She gets paid to grow the youth. She cut me down. She made me resent the school. I had to go get a broom and clean the entire classroom because she said I was a slob and was going to be a janitor when I grew up. All of the kids who didn't like me anyways, just laughed and laughed at me...I felt like Jeremy in the Pearl Jam video before she shot everyone. Now I didn't understand suicide at the time, but I did understand that I wanted to kill her, if I only knew what killing was. I wanted to be any place other then where I was. I wanted to run away, my life was over.
That was the most embarrassing thing I can remember. But it was nothing. How did that event impact the world? It didn't. It was nothing that I should have cared about. But I did. Looking back, its easy to laugh. You all are disappointed by taking the time to read this post. You thought you'd get something juicy...perhaps involving me, a blonde, a crockpot, and hot sauce. No such luck. The things that embarass us are often so insignificant that noone else realizes how we feel. Everything passes.

8 Comments:

Blogger Drewski said...

i don't recall this incident, though no doubt in my mind it is true. Maybe that day was one of my 30 absences per year from that school. In first grade, Ms. Murphy shook the bejesus out of me in the hallway in front of the whole class for taking a drink of water AFTER I used the bathroom, and not BEFORE, as was policy. I also remember Mrs. Mullholland going on a 5-minute tirade that seemed like a half-hour about Matt Crocker and Matt Helbig's crappy science fair projects, which ended with her apologizing and consoling a sobbing Crocker after she had nailed him in the head with his science fair project. What a mad house.

Tue Jun 15, 09:28:00 PM EDT  
Blogger Greg said...

The most embarrassing things in our lives go unnoticed to anyone but ourselves.

Oh, and Matt and Matt deserve what they got. A poor science fair project deserves all of the wrath of world. (I wish I was joking, but I placed 3 in all of St. Louis for my project!). They should have been shot.

Wed Jun 16, 11:33:00 AM EDT  
Blogger Drewski said...

3rd in the lou, eh? you, my friend, are a nerd.

Wed Jun 16, 01:45:00 PM EDT  
Blogger T_to_the_B said...

http://dictionary.reference.com/search?q=soccor

I can't believe how much shit I had to go through in order to post one stupid little comment, yet I did it.

Wed Jun 16, 05:00:00 PM EDT  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I sharted once at Burger King and had to waddle to the bathroom so i wouldn't have a terd roll down into to my socks! I don't know if thats more disgusting or more embarrassing? Maybe a little of both!?!

Wed Jun 16, 05:44:00 PM EDT  
Blogger Greg said...

T to the B...you could have just posted annonymously.

Also, I am not concerned about my spelling in my blogs. I am not even rereading before I post. Its all about stream of consciousness...for me to spell check or reread it automatically takes away from my goal in the first place. To record my thoughts. As opposed to recording the reflection of my thoughts, which is what editing would do.

Wed Jun 16, 07:29:00 PM EDT  
Blogger LiSa...just LiSa said...

you guys went to the most fucked up school ever. obviously those teacher (were they nuns?) had some serious issues. if my kid came home telling me stories like that i would hafta kick a nuns ass. another example of how messed up catholisism is.

Fri Aug 20, 12:40:00 AM EDT  
Blogger tony said...

i never got to get spanked. whats up with that?

Tue Nov 09, 11:09:00 AM EST  

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